The Monday Sunday Roundup: Tiny Bubbles

And here we are again.  I got to watch more football yesterday than I got to watch last weekend, including the two Monday night games.  I feel like I should go ahead and get this out of the way: while I will try to give equal amounts of attention to at least MOST of the games, I am still a Washington Redskins fan and that's where my attention and priorities lie.  So shut up.

1.  So where are the tiny bubbles coming from that were mentioned in the title?  From the QB CONTROVERSY THAT'S BREWING IN WASHINGTON SON.  Jay Gruden got to avoid making what would either be a great call or a supremely stupid one, depending on who you ask yesterday when Robert Griffin III went down like a shot on what was seemingly a benign fall.  I've seen him take worse spills than that and walk away from it.  But I ain't no doctor and he wasn't walking away from this one.  Dislocated ankle?  That probably hurts a lot more than it sounds like, but at least it wasn't his knee again, amirite?  So in comes Captain Kirk Cousins to take command.  First play from scrimmage was a perfect touchdown pass to a wide-open Darrel Young in the end zone, all over your face, neck, and chest.  It was the kind of read that Griffin probably would not have made, and it gave the Redskins their first touchdown of the 2014 season.

And it didn't slow down from there.

Alfred Morris did his alpha male Alfred Morris thing twice.  Niles Paul remembered he existed and blew up for 99 yards and a touchdown, also thrown by the Cap'n.  Desean Corleone-.. uh, Jackson also left with a game-ending injury, but do you think Kirk cared?  He gave no flips on this day.  He spread the ball around like a beautiful bukkake of efficiency for 250 yards and two touchdowns.  Rookie Ryan Grant got in on the action.  So did Andre Roberts, who if I didn't yell it enough at the bar yesterday, does not need to be returning kicks and punts.  Even Silas Redd turned nothing into a touchdown.  The offensive line gave up almost nothing.  The defense gang-raped poor Chad Henne to the tune of ten sacks and an interception.  Against a Jacksonville team that would have wiped Philly out last week but for losing two important defenders, the Redskins looked like for realz, no-hooey contenders.  Even Jacksonville fans are saying "dude, it's Jacksonville," but I do not care.  This team is better when Kirk Cousins is in the game in all aspects.  41-10.  It was a statement if I want to be optimistic, an anomaly if I want to be realistic, and a fluke if I want to be pessimistic.  I'm going with optimism.  It's been nice knowing you, RG3.  Really it has.  Best of luck to you in St. Louis in 2015.

2.  In my periphery, on another screen, I watched a scrappy band of lovable misfits in orange helmets mostly dominate a legit Super Bowl contender before stealing a narrow victory with three seconds left.  Mental toughness.  It's what the Cleveland Browns have lacked for years now, and they seem to have found it.  They have talent; for the most part they always have.  But until now, I can't see where they didn't fold up like accordions in the face of adversity.  If they didn't just crush their opponents, they didn't win.  Now they can win the close ones.  Even if Brian Hoyer is looking a little more mortal this season than he did in his brief work last year, he's leading the team to good places.  They have no Cheech Gordon until week 11, and Ben Tate has a busted vagina or something, but the Browns are rolling.  This is going to be fun to watch.

3.  The First Round Punter's ™ second team, the Houston Texans, kicked the crap out of a Raiders team that was nominally supposed to be improved this season, even if they're trotting out a rookie as their starting QB.  I don't really get it.  Reggie McKenzie, the weirdest-looking man in the NFL and possibly the United States, was alleged to have been an architect of Green Bay's Super Bowl team of 2010. The San Antonio Raiders, the Los Angeles Raiders, and the Oakland Raiders have done precisely nothing in three years to cement McKenzie's reputation.  They're just awful.  But I take nothing away from the Texans.  They look like a dominant defensive team with an efficient offense to pair with it.  And they let JJ Watt catch a touchdown in the most heartwarming, family-friendly moment of the season so far.  And we all learned an important lesson about sharing.  Awwwwww.

4.  So Seattle lost to San Diego.  And Tennessee lost to Dallas.  Just wanted to mention that in passing, really.  People are going to say that San Diego has turned some kind of corner and is a team to be taken seriously, but we all know that's not the case.  They'll go 1-5 in the division, 9-7 on the year, and lose in the playoffs to some team like New England, who will be missing Gronkowski, Brady, Wilfork, Edelman, Vereen, Revis, Browner,and Hernandez.  The score will be 6-4.  I kid, Charger fans. I kid because I love.  Good win.  Fluky, but good.

5.  Either I was wrong about the Bengals, or I was wrong about the Falcons.  Wrong in saying the Cincinnati isn't really better than any of their division rivals, or wrong in saying that the Falcons are capable of making playoff noise because they can put up 182 points a game.  Cincinnati shut Atlanta the hell down.  If only the Falcons would.. nah, I've beaten that horse to death.  I'm not sure that even THE MIGHTY ANTONE SMITH could have saved this game.  Cincinnati is looking like a dangerous and tough team.  The AFC better be paying attention.

6.  Yesterday in text messages with Juan, I unveiled what I will refer to from here on out as my Cutler Scale.  This is the method I use to determine a QB's arm strength.  And it's arm strength alone, ok?  Get off my back!  Jay Cutler?  He's 100% Cutler.  Ryan Fitzpatrick, for example, is 54% Cutler.  RG3 checks in at 91% Cutler, while Kirk Cousins sits at roughly 80%.  Colin Kaepernick is the highest-ranking QB on the Cutler Scale that's not Jay Cutler, sitting at 94%.  And last night he threw three picks, like Cutler has been known to do from time to time.  I think he heard us talking about it and panicked.

OK, so, tonight.  Indy vs Philly.  I'd pick Philly to roll, but they have no real pass rush to manhandle the Colts' "offensive line."  QUOTATION MARKS, BOI.  THAT MEANS I DON'T REALLY MEAN WHAT I'M SAYING.  I'll be missing it for work, but I'm gonna say Indianapolis by a touchdown.  Hopefully Trent Richardson can use this game to bring his career YPC average to a respectable 1.8 yards. And Andrew Luck.  Boy oh boy, Andrew Luck.  Don't get hurt, kid.  You don't have your own Kirk Cousins to bail you out.

Thanks for reading, spread the word and the joy, and I'll "see" you guys later!