The Occasional Thursday Blurb

Obviously, this is not going to be a weekly thing, like my Monday Sunday Roundup, since I won't get as many occasions to watch Thursday Night Football games.  I missed the Ravens laying waste to the Steelers last week, for example, because I work a full-time job at undesirable hours.  Shit happens.  But I was able to see tonight's game because of a scheduling anomaly, and this game deserved a post all its own.  So here we go.

The Angriest Man In The NFL

How many of you have experienced a person at work who is far less competent than you are that somehow holds a higher position?  You're the one making things work, and he's the one that gets all the credit.  It's infuriating, yet somewhat satisfying because you are obviously not the only one that sees the reality of the situation.  That's Mike Glennon.  This is Mike Glennon.

He was drafted by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in 2013.  He's a quarterback.  I say this because there aren't a lot of people that are going to be familiar with the name or the face.  So the Bucs faceplant with Josh Freeman, and insert Glennon, who does a more than respectable job for himself in securing future work.  Weren't we all taught as children that hard work and perseverance will eventually land up that dream we had?  Glennon did all that.  Then Tampa hires Lovie Smith as the head coach after booting a guy who let a deadly disease creep into the locker room.  Glennon was gonna get his name in the papers.  He was gonna be the guy that carried the destiny of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.  He was pretty good at it, too.  Lovie Smith hates young players.  He has no patience for a 22-year-old who doesn't suddenly morph into Aaron Rodgers.  Lovie Smith took Josh McCown off the free agent market and, ten seconds later, declared McCown the starting QB.  McCown has played for about 35 different teams, which is weird because there's only 32 teams in the NFL.  McCown, in the words of my illustrious co-blogger Juan, has already been cut by his next team.  So we get to tonight, when the Buccaneers play the Atlanta Falcons.  Without going into play-by-play detail, the score at the end of the first quarter was 21-0 Atlanta.  McCown looks every bit the guy who got cut from 40 different teams, which is weird because the NFL has only 32 teams.  The Falcons do whatever the hell they want on both sides of the ball, leading to a 35-0 halftime score.  Surely Glennon gets his chance NOW, right?  Of course not.  Until a "thumb injury" leads McClown to the locker room.  If you don't know the symbolism behind the quotation marks, don't bother asking.  If you don't get the symbolism behind me adding the letter L to McCown's name, ask me.  It ain't that difficult.  Well, Glennon didn't fare so well himself.  But that happens when you're down 42-0, as was the score when Glennon made his debut.  Even Peyton Manning has bad games, though his tend to come at the worst possible times, like Super Bowls.  So right now the Falcons are probably up 91-14, because of a few mercy TD's.  Oh, and when the Falcons hit 56... guess who did that?  NONE OTHER, BABY.  And that's just about all the actual analysis I have for this game.

Would you want to be Mike Glennon right now?  I can't say I would, even though he's probably clearing about 20 times my yearly pay.  Sure, he's the dying man's Kirk Cousins, but Cousins has actual supporters in the league and among its fans.  The only thing anyone knows about Mike Glennon is that he has the longest neck in the world.  That's like investing a million dollars and getting $100 in return.  Lovie Smith should not be in charge of personnel decisions at your local Dunkin' Donuts, let alone a pro football team.

The Fountain Of Youth

Steven Jackson looked like a guy who used to play for the Rams a few years back with the same name.  It very well could have been a result of Tampa's defense taking the night off, but then again it couldn't have been.  Isn't Lovie Smith supposed to be some sort of defensive mind?  I get it confused sometimes.  Either way, if Jackson has rediscovered himself, then the Falcons may be in better shape than certain brilliant minds could have thought.  If not, there's always ANTONE SMITH THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS AND FACES.  I'm tired of linking that entry, but Antone Smith runs touchdowns from 38 yards out.  He does it just because.  He does it for the children.  He does it because he's waiting to be waived and signed by Washington.  Or so I wet dream.  He had his first career fumble tonight and nobody remembers it.  Banana Hands Adrian Peterson, beater of children, made his first impression in the NFL with stupid fumbles.  It's a correctable problem.  Ain't nothin'.  Smith will be the guy that every second-place fantasy football player wishes he'd picked up instead of Toby Gerhart.

If You Could Improve On Eli Manning

You'd have Matt Ryan.  He registers on the Cutler Scale at 90%, and he throws it correctly most times.  He's just gotta figure out how to translate that regular-season greatness into January.  He's pretty well set up for it, what with Roddy White and Julio Jones as his targets.  Best QB in Falcons' history?  Probably.

First-Ballot Hall of Famer

Devin Hester.  He returns kicks, punts, and occasionally does other stuff that results in touchdowns.  He broke Deion Sanders' record for most return TD's in NFL history tonight.  Chicago let him go for some unknown reason.  An aside:  the Falcons have three guys who have made their careers on special teams in Hester, Eric Weems, and Courtney Roby.  I suggested to my brother, the Falcons fan, that they should pick up Desean Jackson.  He replied, in the most deadpan manner possible, that Jackson can't wear red.  BECAUSE HE'S A GANG MEMBER, OR SO THEY SAY.  Why didn't I think of that?

Happy Friday, folks.  I hope you all enjoy your football weekend.  Spread the word, keep reading, and I'll see you all on Monday!